We are so thrilled to have Shahd Thani back with us with a brand new post written for our Letters theme. We hope you enjoy it
How is it that you have such a hold on my heart? It takes its toll on me how I walk away with the conviction that I am strong only to find myself sobbing on your lap in weakness.
I’ve traveled so far, another land, and another time, but all I think about is you. Your voice is in my head as I put pen to paper. I find myself answering you and I’m half maddened with the thought of losing you.
You explain it to me over and over. I explain it to you over and over. We are caught in a tug of war against reality. You tell me the reality because you’ve always been more firmly grounded in it. I tell you the fantasy because that’s where I am, your flight of fantasy. I beg you to run away and a million fantastical scenarios where you and I could just be. You beg me to understand because I’m always the difficult one.
Sometimes I’m convinced that you are the poet’s notebook. It’s not any notebook because so many are intimidating and unwelcoming. You are that notebook that offers you every page to cry on, bleed on, and that’s who you are to me.
You are the poet’s notebook and I’m not done with all your pages. I’m not done writing our story upon your heart. I’m not done writing my name all over you. I’m not done and I may never be done.
I tell myself that the next person who holds you won’t be as careful as I was with your pages. I mean, what do they know?
You are beloved in a million ways. You are beloved in the mundane reality, in the dreamy fantasy of it all, but you are loved on paper as I draw you immortal.
Author: Shahd Thani