We’ve got a brand new submission by Maitha AlHosani for our Letters theme. We hope you enjoy her letter titled “Not Very Dearest”
To my not very dearest.. disappointments, yes my disappointments,
I don’t know how to write you without being so negative but I really hate you and I hate how you make me feel. Because of you I hated myself, I hated the skin that contains my soul. it burns me as I look at myself in the mirror and all I can see is you over it and a little bit of makeup so I can hide you from the others when they look at me.
Since now I started writing, I want tell you that you really succeeded at getting me and I don’t know why you’re chasing me from the first place.. don’t you have another victim or a soul to tear down? Or you just enjoying breaking me and stopping me from loving myself? Cause you’re really good at that sometimes. Yeah sometimes only because darling even though you’re not really dear you can’t force me to hate myself all the time because when I look at myself I see this girl who is dying to get rid of you by trying harder and harder every time. I see you weakening because I when I come home and you’re on my shoulder, mom’s hug and dad’s soothing words rip you off my heart and skin for a while; and at nights when you crawl into my veins, I fight back with my prayers because I know that I have a lord up there and he is really good at taking care of me. His grace makes me fearless because you are really nothing compared to what he is.
So, go on and surprise me with people who bring you to my door, let their masks fall off, reveal the truth and I won’t care, I might care for a very short while but then I’ll forget it because I know people who are fancier than a rough diamond and they’ll replace all these feelings. And yeah.. when you bring my failures and toss them up on my face, I’ll wash them with my tears of strength and I’ll stand taller because no matter how many times you visit me or chase me. You’re still worthless to me because I learned that I am the master of my own self and I won’t let you ruin me.
One more thing, I’ll be whatever I want to be and I know that there are lot of people who used to get carried away by you, but you will never get us because darling -now you’re really dear to me- those people and I are the balance of this life and without us life will never go on.
Author: Maitha AlHosani Authior