The day I started doubting myself

Our dear Alia Al-Hazami  is back with us with a brand new post, a letter written to her Future self for our Letters theme. We hope you enjoy it

22/12/2014 ­– The day I started doubting myself.

Dear future self,

I know it’s a cliché to write to my future self, but clichés prevail when you’re looking for a reason to hold on.

I woke up that dreadful morning, full of self-doubt and hatred. I didn’t know why I’m still doing this. I grabbed a pencil to write, and nothing came out of me. I felt like my world was being shattered, and everything that I was, was just that… in the forsaken past. I want to give up this book I’m writing and I want to stop trying to achieve my dreams. You know what they say, better quit while you’re ahead!

Maybe just maybe, I’m not meant to be a writer nor a politician. All my dreams are slowly sinking in the pits of disappointment, having me confused as to who I am and what I want from life.

I’m simply indifferent; nothing and no one means anything to me anymore. I must admit, I am indeed having an identity crisis. I mean, writing was the only thing I was ever certain of, and now I lost that too.

Self-doubts is eating me alive, drying me out of what I thought I was. I don’t think I belong to writing anymore and it’s breaking me apart. I’m on the verge of having a breakdown, because writing is all I’ve ever known.

I strongly believe that writing is something that was built in me and I can’t give that up so easily. I want to quit so badly, but I cant be telling people to believe in themselves and pursue their goals when I don’t. Yes, I am having doubts but I am not a quitter.

Future self, I’m writing you this so that you read it every time you feel stupid enough to stop chasing your dreams. You will have hard times and you will doubt yourself every step of the way, and when you do, read this. Read this and know that whatever you’re going through will pass and this path you’ve chosen for yourself, is the right one.

Dream, believe and achieve. Dreaming is believing, and when you believe in yourself you will get to the place you want to reach. Remember, you’re still at the beginning and there are a lot of successes and failures waiting to be unlocked.

So, buckle up and wear your seatbelt. It is going to be a bumpy ride, and the only thing that will help you smoothen the trip is you believing in what God has given you, and using your talent for good.

With love,

Your current self.

Author: Alia Al-Hazami 


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