We are thrilled to have Shaima Al Shamsi back with us with a brand new piece for our siblings theme titled Love as I Know it
Sometimes, the words I scribble in you are so tired. I feel like they’ve been carrying more than half of what my heart is. And sometimes, when I look back, and I read what I had written when I wasn’t thinking of the load, when the lay-off was just something that needed to be done, and I can imagine, often remember, myself writing these words, building worlds I could not fit in my life outside your pages. I can feel my past selves’ liveliness in the hurried movement, the swayed flicks and the smeared ink.
I can appreciate myself in the hours I’ve given to these stories I’ve executed with care and love. You’re my best friend, my other half, my partner in crime, and every other overused cliched love song reference. The variation in the colors I have used and the unfocused margin doodles speak another tone only you understand, you reflect them as a footnote with an extra layer of depth.
With you, I don’t fit into interchangeable adjectives. What people perceive of my actions as cold-hearted, misguided and off-putting you know is self-preservation. You know my true intentions never surpass the Good, the blurry details others see are the patches you’ve covered my wounds with. You’ve taught me how scars heal (perspective gained from distance+time).
You opened gates of infinite strength and boundless faith in front of my eyes. I never knew faith to be so uplifting before you. I never knew it to be a savior, a haven, a limelight. You proved its case to me better than anyone who tried to make me believe in enlightenment ever could. You showed me there was more to life than darkened hallways and seething skeletons.
And when those days come, when my characters interact and bring the party on your soft pages, I realize we were made for each other, and not just to pass time. When I’m with you, I’m free. Free to be hopeless, fearless, torn, whole, raw like a freshly sliced tomato. My words always belong to your shoulders. You’ve seen me at my lowest lows, you watched me slay dragons with borrowed swords. When we’re together, I’m Aim because Shaima is a character you’ve inspired. She lives in Heera, where things happen and Truths are spoken. She lives in you just as much as I do.
The question will always remain, are you my masterpiece or am I yours?
You’re the one who keeps me up long after I’ve retired my jewelry. You put the world under a microscope, then you shove it away to make room for my awakenings. I recall the curses you’ve put on those who had disarmed me. The tears they’ve dropped on your yellowed pages ignited a fire only you were able to dissolve. For every time I faced rejection, you gave me new pages to fill out. Like every relationship, ours started out shallow. You were only there to listen. In ten years we built civilizations and conquered the devil himself. You’re the prayer that spells out the contents of my heart so I am never lost, always pulsing.
Author: Shaima Al Shamsi