We are thrilled to have Alia Al-Hazami back with us with a brand new post to close off our Red Theme tiled “Burning Red” We hope you enjoy ^^
An open letter to my friends:
Never knew that feelings could come in colors. Never knew that hurt could get this deep. Red, is what I’ve been feeling for months. A scared little child inside of me got playful while fingerprinting, and decided to go red.
I’m alone as can be though I’m surrounded by a sea of loving people. I just feel ever so empty, forsaken, and simply isolated. I don’t know who’s real and who’s not and frankly, I don’t know who I am though a lot of time has been wasted on endless looking.
I’m aware that I go through a lot of emotional drama and never ending self-doubting, but this time it’s even more severe.
I honestly believed that all of the emptiness I’m feeling would go away once I turn what my heart desires to reality. But sadly, that empty hole only got bigger instead of shutting off for good.
It’s no fun to feel inadequate and it’s no fun to feel alone. I crave peace, and in order to achieve that this sorrow must disappear instantly.
I am red, full of pain and rage.
I am red, crying out for help.
I’m pushing everyone away, and it’s damaging me immensely. I can’t find that missing puzzle piece no matter how much I look. It honestly seems like the deeper I look, the more I end up breaking myself.
I’ve got my life before me; I’m too young to be living this way. I really want to feel happy and like I matter. To be honest, I never matter! I don’t matter to myself, let alone others. I’m mentally drained from all the overthinking. Physically exhausted from all the overworking and searching.
I just want to be okay, but I guess I never will be as it seems like this raging war is everlasting. I’m in a desperate need to be given a reason to be hopeful. I beg of you, give me a reason to stay awake.
Author: Alia Al-Hazami