Disgrace

Nada Alshamsi is back with a brand new poem titled “Disgrace“. We hope you enjoy it ^^

My Dear, were we ever honest believers?

or were we just blindfolded lovers?

Beautiful

that was the word that intimately described us

we were beautiful in so many celestial ways

roses always bent and crumbled under your feet

stars would bow down to the spark in your eyes

and planets aligned whenever you dared to touch me

even the demons within us, stood in awe

How could such love come to be?” I’d hear them say

when night falls, whispers in the wind would try to wrench us apart

but we held our ground, and closed our hearts to the sound of their voices

everything was falling into its place, like it was meant to be

and just as I felt the beats of my heart catch up to the beats of your heart

a strong, but slow turn in the weather hauled me away from my place

and woke me up from the trance I was in

the ground gave away beneath us, making the universe move with merciless speed

as we stood against the roaring wind, a storm rose up, stifling our screams

we were instantly thrown into a sea of flames, and there was no time for us to catch our breath

and what a shame, nothing did ever stay the same

so close to Heaven, I swear we almost had a taste of what it felt like to be living life in grace

I still remember the day we made a vow to each other that not a thing would break, or knock us to our knees

I will love you with every inch of myself, with every heartbeat. I won’t let anything shake me, and I promise I won’t let anyone take you away from me. You’re mine. Damn it, I know you’re mine.

we whispered those words at night

the stars witnessed everything, and they kept it a secret

deliriously, we believed ourselves, our words

Dear, forgive me for questioning us

but were we honest believers at that time, or just pretenders?

sometimes in the middle of the night, I could still hear the old echo of your voice

when you were reciting one of your favorite poems

I recall thinking;

Maybe if you keep on talking much longer, I just might see what I first saw in you, and I could love you again.”

and with a force that almost knocked the breath out of me, and crushed me to the ground

it finally did hit me that I stopped loving you a long time ago

till this day, I still find it hard and agonizing why

the more you loved me

the more I began to drift away

although I believed I still cared for you

it was never the same

when you hugged me

I struggled to hug you back

when you were in pain

I had no desire to make you feel better

it destroyed me to admit that your laughter didn’t move my heart like it used to

and when you said, “I love you.”

my voice wavered when I tried lying to you

seeing me change, tore you up inside

it tormented you to no end

I never dared to confess what I was feeling

fearing that it would cause the universe to turn around again

but I knew that you understood

because when you stole a glance at me

the spark in your eyes that I once loved so much

was slowly fading away

when we met for the last time

I pretended not to notice the way your hands were shaking

or the way you were avoiding my gaze the whole time

it was something between us understood, but never spoken out loud

with one last weak attempt

you called out my name in pain

as you tried to reach out for me

I heard the misery behind it

there was a world of questions in you

Why is this happening?” you cried “Why can’t you stay?”

I never thought that one day, I’d have the courage to let you go, but I did

I shook my head at you, not knowing what to say

my words always betrayed me when I needed them the most

I know I said I’ll love you forever, but Darling, words of a poet are not to be believed

my heart constantly blazed at the thought of loving someone, but leaving was always a temptation for me

when my feelings fade, and the flow of my blood changes direction, what do I do?

I remember closing my eyes

and wishing that nothing had to change

that you were still my universe, and I was the moon illuminating your sky, even in your darkest days

Dear, you were oblivious to the fact that I was bleeding regret, and grieving over us

but there was nothing I could do anymore

you grow, forget to love someone the way you used to, and you let go

and I was ready to let go

I don’t know why it has to be like that, I really don’t. Just let me leave, let me be.

This isn’t love anymore, this is pity.” I whispered, as I walked away

and I’m sorry, I’m so sorry

I let my demons pull me over to the other side

I let them lure me away from you

who would’ve known that I would bring disgrace upon the stars that once believed in us?

Author: Nada Alshamsi

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