Unspoken

She had shared her poery on the website before but now Nada Alshamsi shares with us a short story. We hope you enjoy ^^

One, two, three…

I closed my eyes and tentatively counted the footsteps that you took, as you walked away from me.

Four, five, six…

It went on, and on. I could hear the gasps of my breath when your hands left mine. A waft of cold air slowly enveloped me, and I felt it take me far off, to one thousand nights ago.

“Do you recall the night we first held hands?” You had said to me.

“Yes,” I whispered. “I do. I recall every single one that I spent with you.”

“Speak.” You murmured in my ears. “Speak up.” And I did.

I told you how in love I was with your smile. “Your smile made the whole city light up with life.”

I spoke about the spark in your eyes that never seemed to fade, even in your darkest days. “I swear up and down, that no one would ever dare to take that spark away from you, to steal the happiness that resides inside of your soul.”

I confessed about how everything you said caused me to sway in my place, and made my heart beat with love.

“Dear, you had no idea how your words were starting to make me feel beautiful again.”

And when I tried to speak about the way your kisses almost always interrupted the rhythm of my heart, I stuttered, and said. “God, there are no words, there are no words.”

I loved you with every shooting star that crossed our sky, with every wave that crashed over the shore, and with every breath I took at night.

The day you first wrapped your arms around me, and whispered my name, I realized there was nothing more heart-stirring than the sound of your voice at night.

When I knew Heaven was listening, I looked up, and cried under the stars. I prayed for the Lord to keep you safe, and near. I pleaded the angels to wash whatever misery you kept hidden within you. I prayed until I felt the ground crumble beneath me, and my world started to whirl around. Because a part of me always knew you would be leaving, I never stopped praying.

I was so used to your presence around me, that I forgot how to be okay with being alone.

But the more I craved for you, the harder you tried to leave. It was like demanding for it to rain in summer, and wishing it would stop being cold during winter. It was unattainable. Bringing you closer to me was hopeless.

Lately, you were gradually starting to wander away from me. The heart I loved was beginning to grow bitter, and the home I’ve always thought would be there to shelter me, was falling apart.

Between December and April, the silence between us started to stretch even more. Your image began to shake violently in my mind, until I stopped recognizing your face. Sometimes, I’d I lose my breath while trying to grasp for your hands.

Little by little, the spark in your eyes turned to dust over time. And forgive me if I was ever mistaken, but even the words you spoke to me, didn’t sound beautiful as they once were. I don’t remember the last time you said, “I love you,” and I heard the solid belief in your voice.

And when it finally hit me that I was speaking to someone who wasn’t there anymore, an agonizing pain pierced my heart.

I remember the endless echoes of old lovers and friends that almost deafened me, when you said you’d be leaving this winter. I held on to you and I begged you to stay.

But you said, “I can’t wait around. My heart isn’t what it used to be, and my feelings aren’t the same anymore.”

Even though our bodies were almost colliding, the walls that surrounded you, made my heart beat with unfathomable fear. There was nothing I could do to make you love me like you used to, but things I could say to make you stay. However, your heart stopped listening to me a long time ago. All I did was watch sadly as we perished away. I believed you were forever mine, but I guess a part of you always belonged to someone else.

Heaven still heard my cries and pleas, but did it ever listen to me? Because for all I know, I spent half of my life waiting. Even the stars above knew there was no use in lingering around. With time, they slowly faded away, too.

Last night, the little child in me stirred up, and refused to stop calling for you.

Dear lover, please give me mercy, for I haven’t slept in so long, and my yearning heart never stopped chanting your name in the middle of the night.

I recall nights long ago, when you said, “This heart is your home.” No, it’s not, and it never was.

I swear I could still hear your name being sung in the distance, in the places we used to love. We’ve been apart for so long, but I never stopped aching for you, and God only knows how much I miss you. Loving you was starting to be a struggle for me, but I was trying, and I promise I still am.

Years from now, if we ever meet again, you would be asking me, “What is the one thing you will always regret?”

I would say, “That I left many words unsaid, believing you would be around long enough to hear them.”

“What would you call those words?”

“Unspoken.” I’d whisper.

Author: Nada Alshamsi

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