The Villain Within Me

Our team is pleased to post a new piece for our theme Villains  written by one of our most active members on the website, Alia Al-Hazami. We hope you enjoy ^^

The villain within me has been awakened from slumber. The villain inside of me is stepping in; I call that scoundrel Depression… With its malicious claws sinking deeper and deeper into my body, like a shot of venom. I start to whimper as it has gotten me weaker than ever, though I hate to confess it, my heart is a fragile one. The pain has affected me deeply and profoundly; it’s too late to heal.

It submerges through my mind, creating suicidal thoughts; completely cynical and deadly. It fills my eyes with tears, my lips with fuming words. It blinds me with smokes coming out of my lungs, making it harder and harder to breathe. My heart is pumping faster than ever causing my eyes to get dilated. I stand there paralyzed whilst sucking the air with much effort, pitying the person I’ve become, the person I vowed I’d never turn into.

What’s keeping me alive and hopeful is fairy tales. Weren’t we taught that good always overpowers evil? That everything bad will be substituted with everything good? Well, I never forget the lessons I get taught! There is hope after all, right?

I need reassuring words from people; I desperately crave them to satisfy my hunger for joy. They’re the reason I got into a devastating life, they make me beat myself up and drown in my sorrow. They don’t have the faintest clue about my life, so they can’t really judge. But then again, judging feeds their desire to be the absolute supreme. They break other apart just to feel perfect. They demolish your self-esteem to grow fonder of themselves.

All I have to do is defeat all forces of evil; I have to defeat my worst enemy… myself. Yes, myself. People don’t define me; they’re meaningless unless I let them get to me. I control myself don’t I? I’m the one who takes all actions, so I have deduced that I’m the true villain indeed.

I resent this villain ever so much but it has become coherent to me that I have two sides that complete each other; the good and the evil. A part of me is optimistic and happy and the other one is a sceptical disaster. I need to conquer the other side’s wickedness, I must!

I grasp for air as I let this thought dive into my soul. It’s getting into me, I needed this drastic change. My chronic depression is finally slipping away through my fingers like cold ice melting on a sunny day. As I look at the sky, my final miserable breath comes out.

The darkness that has been circling my eyes, the sorrow that has been tearing me to tiny breakable pieces is slowly vanishing. This moment has become irreplaceable; I have finally mastered the art of balancing. The heroine deep inside of me tossed the villain to the curb. Now, two sides of my character are still present; one that is completely into defying people’s ideas and one that is sensibly doubtful.

Author: Alia Al-Hazami

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3 thoughts on “The Villain Within Me

  1. Powerful and profound… May you always conquer the “demons”. Make no mistake we all have them. Few are brave enough to admit it and challenge it, no less. God bless!

  2. Great piece! Powerful and thought-provoking. I like how you played with the themes of ‘internal balance’ and ‘self-control’ towards the end. I just feel as though the the ‘turn’ in the third paragraph where you started with “What’s keeping me alive..” was somewhat abrupt. I would suggest creating a healthy ‘blend’ or maybe ‘build-up’ before jumping into a different mental state. Does that make sense? Just a bit of constructive feedback 🙂 All in all, I enjoyed reading this piece immensely. Wonderful job! – Shamma Xx

  3. I love it! Ironically, depression have been described in kind of a dangerous beauty, your words had power to that extent. I can relate to it, this huge internal conflict between myself and my inner villain. Really, written beautifully, artistically and smoothly. I adored every word in you piece. Keep it up.

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